Geoff Metcalf
February 27, 2003
 

When Smith and Wesson rolled over and capitulated to government bribery by Bill Clinton and Andy Cuomo  I was harsh in my criticism of the company. Subsequently the company changed ownership and attitude and is once again a respected firearm-manufacturing leader.

The recent announcement introducing their new 500 Magnum, billed as the “most powerful production revolver in the world today” sent gun grabbers panties into a sonic wedgie.  None more so that the San Francisco Chronicle’s hyperbolic Mark Morford.

Morford’s screed about Smith & Wesson’s new big handgun was as two dimensional, delusional, lacking fact and substance as any of those cartoon caricatures on the right he would vilify.

His work was hyperbole accented with bovine excrement!

Morford and his ilk (both on the right and left/pro and anti-gun types) typically eschew facts that contradict their preconceived opinions and/or prejudice.

Illinois Democrat Rep Danny Davis said, "It's hard for me to rationalize any particular need or purpose" for the 500 Magnum.  Obvious Danny has never faced an angry bear or wild pig in the woods.  "I think guns are made to kill people. That's my opinion." Davis crowed, ignoring several salient facts that are not on his (or Moford’s) message.

• Guns are also intended to STOP people from killing victims.
• Guns ARE used for hunting.
• Guns are used for putting holes in paper and other inanimate targets.
• Merely brandishing often prevents death or injury.

I own and hunt with an S&W Model 629 .44 Magnum.  It is a great tool and very accurate.  However, given the choice of taking large game with my .44 or using something bigger, I’ll choose the most lethal tool I can afford.

S&W claims its new 500 Magnum cartridge produces nearly three times the muzzle energy of the .44 Magnums round.  Truth be know, when confronted with a 400-pound p.o.-ed carnivore, bigger IS better.

Davis said the .50 caliber revolver, which weighs 72.5 ounces and has an overall length 15-inch has no purpose in society except to cause injury and death to humans.  That claim is flat out FALSE.  This new handgun WILL be used first and foremost for hunting.

Critics are making up facts to suit THEIR argument. "You don't go out hunting deer with a revolver," Davis said.  Oh yes sir, some do.  Hunters also routinely hunt Bear, Wild Pigs, and even Moose with a handgun.

Davis worries that the 500 Magnum has a greater potential for becoming a lethal inner-city status symbol than an effective hunting tool, at least in his congressional district. He added that its high power combined with its concealability could make it the "weapon of choice" for urban gangs.  “Concealability”????  This hogleg is over 15-inches long and weighs over FOUR AND A HALF POUNDS.

Illinois State House Majority Leader Barbara Flynn Currie said, "If you've got something that masquerades as a handgun, but has the firepower of a major weapon, you're all at risk,".  Currie compared the 500 Magnum to "military-style assault weapons," notwithstanding and although she had no information to base her claims on except for a "tip" received from a reporter (no doubt a reporter with the expertise of a Morford).  Talk about selecting presumed ‘facts’ that support your preconceived opinions or prejudices.

Currie admitted, "I'm not a weapons expert, but it sounded like pretty strong firepower to me…The description I heard was that from a significant range you could fell a large bear."  Hey darlin’ that is GOOD news if your standing on a hill facing a p.o.-ed 400 pound bruin that wants to shred you into taco meat.

The S&W 500 is NOT an assault weapon by even the most absurd reach, and it sure as bear poop ain’t “military style” anything.

The Chronicle’s Myopic Mark writes, “ready to silence a playground full of children or drop a charging elephant at 50 yards or annihilate a few hundred tofu-suckin' liberal jackass pacifist commie tree-huggers, protesting out there in the street?” Naturally there isn’t a scintilla of fact or evidence to support this outrageous copy, but hey, he was just getting warmed up.

• Morford claims, “It's the ideal dream-weapon not just for its practicality, like outgunning a horde of cops snoopin' 'round the meth lab,”
• Not hardly.  Criminals would not choose the S&W .50 as either “ideal” or a “dream weapon”. 
• They would (and do) choose something easy to handle that throws out lots of bullets.
• Shooting a large caliber handgun requires skill and patience.
• You can’t fire a lot of lead and what you do shoot is expensive.
• By the way, the gun itself is way expensive. 

Despite Mark’s stretching of the truth, a lot of firearms can penetrate light armor, buildings…frankly a flock of geese has a better chance of bringing down a light aircaft…but remember Mark doesn’t really care Jack-spit about reality here.  His column is supposed to be a satire piece…isn’t it?

He is correct when he writes the New S&W is “the Hummer of handguns”.  However he is incorrect to say it is “the biggest dumbest most entirely useless and pointless and adorably, blatantly, phallically compensatory handheld weapon available to the public today, excluding a Big Bertha golf club or the multi-function remote control or, say, J.Lo.”  Maybe he’s right about Big Bertha and J.Lo.

“The new gun is for hunting, they say. Right.” Moford wrote.  Uh, yeah RIGHT!  Frankly, hunting is the only good use for the weapon/tool…unless it’s used as a paperweight for a Sunday Chronicle.

Morford’s creative suggestion of blowing up elk into “so many little bitty smithereerny chunks it will look like God's precious creature just met with the business end of a grain thresher. Screw the meat, let's go for splatter.” Underscores his complete ignorance of ballistics.

He writes that Smith & Wesson was “one of the first American gun makers to agree to Clinton-era regulations and install safety locks on their weapons,” and suggests THAT is why customers shunned them.

• The egregious Clinton/Cuomo deal was about more than safety locks.  ALL guns sold must be sold with safety locks.  It was about government control of a lawful manufacturer.
• S&W was THE first AND ONLY American gun maker to sign the government control memo.

It was fascinating to find one Morford graph that actually personified his writing.  “In increasingly jaded and numb America, ya gotta go for shock. The biggest. The scariest. The wildest. The dumbest. The most sugary or fatty or creepy or quadruple beef triple bacon double cheese chiliburger with deep-fried cheese sauce only 99 cents while supplies last. It is all about excess, violent and deadly and mean.”  And THAT is probably the best description of the Morford screed.

A nationally recognized talk radio personality and author,
Geoff Metcalf's
columns appear regularly in CalNews.com. 

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